Elopement or big wedding?

Should you have an elopement or big wedding? Maybe you love the heart behind an elopement – a private, personal day that belongs just to you and your partner. You want to check something off your bucket list and adventure somewhere beautiful for the photos. The problem is, you have way too many family and friends to do this. Or your partner doesn’t want to. Plus, you want to have a big party with all your loved ones.

So how are you supposed to decide if you should commit to the elopement or have a big wedding?

Determine what you your wedding day really means to you.

Each couples wedding means something different to them. Maybe you’ve been together for 20 years and are using your wedding as a sort of recommitment to one another. Or perhaps you’ve been together for 3 years and your wedding is symbolizing the new life you’re starting together.

To determine whether you should elope or have a big wedding, it’s important to know what your wedding means to you. It often helps to take a look at what you value most and what you want to remember from your wedding day.

Here are some questions to get you thinking about what your wedding truly means to you:

Big Wedding with the Elopement Experience

Hopefully, you have a clearer idea of what your wedding day means to you. Maybe you’re 100% certain you want a large wedding, or you’re leaning more towards the idea of eloping. But there’s still a third category: you want to have the personal, intimate elopement experience, but it’s just not possible for you to have a “just us” style elopement.

One of my favourite things about elopements is that you can adjust them to fit your specific needs. This means that it’s entirely possible for you to have the best of both worlds. You can have an experience that feels like an elopement while also getting that big wedding vibe.

These are just a few of the many ways you could have your wedding/elopement experience:

Multi-day Wedding

Multi-day weddings are becoming more and more popular for good reason. Why limit the fun to only a single day? Spread out your budget and spend a bit longer celebrating your love.

First, you can spend one day just you and your partner. You can use this day however you like, but it may include saying personal vows, a legal ceremony, checking something off your bucket list, and/or trekking the distance to a beautiful location for photos. This day can be slow, intentional, personal, and not too stressful – the full elopement experience.

Day two can be spent doing all those traditional wedding things – a symbolic ceremony with a friend officiating, walking down the aisle, a reception, speeches, dances, you name it. You can truly be in the moment during this second because you’ve already had your time with you partner and taken your wedding portraits. This day can spend focusing on the fun part and socializing with your loved ones who took the time out of their lives to celebrate you.

Post Elopement Reception

Again, this option splits your wedding celebration into separate days, but perhaps you prefer a single-day event. Many couples will choose to elope their way, and then hold a short dinner/reception afterwards for their loved ones.

This might look like renting out a room at a restaurant for a few hours, or holding a backyard potluck. Either way, it usually involves a simple dinner and speeches (but is not limited to only this).

Small ceremony, big reception

What if you only want your wedding celebration to be on one day? No problem. This may take a bit of extra coordinating and create a longer day for you, but if you’re willing to tough it out, this may be the perfect solution for you.

Start the day with an intimate ceremony (closest family and friends only), and a bit of time to go off on an adventure or to a gorgeous location for photos. Then, later in the evening have more family and friends join for a reception. This allows you to have an intimate, adventurous experience where you can enjoy some time as newly weds, but also celebrate with your larger circle afterwards.

I’m sold, but how do I convince my partner?

The best thing you can do is be completely open and honest with you partner. They aren’t going to be the only person you’ll have to explain this to, but they will hopefully be the most understanding (and best person to practice this conversation with).

Remember, it’s totally normal for anyone you’re explaining your decision to elope to be sceptical or even hurt. Prepare for your partner to not immediately jump on the idea of eloping or combining an elopement with a big wedding.

Most important to explain your feelings behind why you want an elopement experience and to help them understand where they’re coming from. Make sure you give them the space to process and share their feelings.

Ready to begin planning your elopement?

Here is my blog about how to plan your elopement in 5 steps.